Advice to Writing Students

Many English teachers are familiar with Jamaica Kincaid’s very short story “Girl” and its enactment of a primarily one-sided discussion, with the empowered party handing down non-negotiable imperatives of many kinds to the powerless.
Here’s a link to the story:
http://www.turksheadreview.com/library/kincaid-girl.html



My version of the story, presented with great reverence for Kincaid’s original, arose from my recognition of myself as someone behaving much like the main speaker in “Girl,” posing—in every sense of the word—as the empowered repository of all writing knowledge to be dispensed, with the good intent of a parent yet with the iron hand of a tyrant, to the powerless and unenfranchised composition student.


Composition Student
(with apologies to Jamaica Kincaid)

Turn journals in on Tuesdays and make sure they are in pocket folders. Go to the Writing Lab by Thursday because Fridays it’s always crowded. Don’t use sources without documenting them. When choosing Internet sources make sure they are not from commercial sites because in that case they are only trying to sell you something. Is it true that you buy papers off the Internet? Always write in such a way that it won’t turn someone else’s stomach. Come up with your own ideas and arguments, like a scholar, not like the plagiarist I know you are so bent on becoming. This is how you read a sentence. This is how you read a paragraph. This is how you read a whole article. This is how you write a summary for the article you have just read. This is how you write an essay analyzing the article you have just read. This is how you add a Works Cited page to prevent you from looking like the plagiarist you are so bent on becoming. Don’t buy papers off the Internet. But I don’t buy papers off the Internet; I never buy papers at all. This is how to avoid comma splices. This is how to avoid dangling modifiers. This is how you write a book title so it doesn’t look like an article title. Don’t underline your own title. Never use anyone else’s work without documenting it. This is how you write a narrative. This is how you write a definition. This is how you write an argument. This is how you go to the library to do research. This is how to document your research to avoid behaving like the plagiarist I know you are so bent on becoming. This is how you behave in the library. This is how you behave in class. This is how you behave when class is over. This is when to come to my office. This is how to avoid coming to my office. This is how you write for your friends. This is how you write for yourself. This is how you write for your other professors so they won’t recognize immediately the plagiarist I have warned you against becoming. Be sure to write every day, even if it is just to email your classmates. Don’t use contractions—you’re not a middle school student. This is how you criticize your classmates’ writing. This is how your classmates criticize your writing. This is how to get good grades on your essays. This is how to drop the course before mid-semester so you can avoid getting an F. This is how to take the course again next semester. This is how to make sure you keep up with the reading assignments. Get reserved reading materials from the reserve desk at the library. Always evaluate your sources carefully and ask the librarian for help if you need it. But what if the librarian won’t help me? Do you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of student whom the librarian won’t let near the books?